


(Don't) Stay

by Miss Hiraya (Miss_Hiraya)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, I'm warning you, M/M, also their mom, but only have few lines, elements from canon and alternate universe, ghost!Yamaguchi, is this angst? DEFINITELY, is this fluff? yea, karasuno is here, other characters are here, supernatural elements i guess, tsukishima akiteru - Freeform, tsukki-centric, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-23 23:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8346730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Hiraya/pseuds/Miss%20Hiraya
Summary: It starts with:
“Kei, that’s not funny.”
“Not joking.” He growls. As much as he wants to tease his brother for his obvious fear for ghosts- this is not the right time. There is an obvious, six-foot tall boy practically shaking and rooted to his place right beside him.
... A ghost. Kei pales.
“Kei, come on.” His brother shakes, trying to keep his cool and failing miserably.
The younger pushes his glasses, internally screaming. “Fooled you.”;
and ends into something else entirely.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> an idea that grew into a thousand-word monstrosity.  
> here have some tsukkiyama.

Usually when he wakes up, it’s a pain in the ass thinking about the amount of things that had to be done and dealt with that day. He knows the necessity despite the incredible urge to just lay in the comfortable warmth of his bed the whole day, and usually once he gets up there’s not really a problem. That is why when Tsukishima Kei wakes up one day, light assaulting his eyes with some sort of unfounded hatred and feeling his limbs drugged to the bone, he knows something is wrong. He groans inwardly.

He must’ve voiced his irritation because in the next moment the lights are then dimmed. He blinks, grateful but still infuriated. There are voices in his ear and they are noisy and in chaos, like his brain doesn’t know what and where they are coming from and mostly what they mean. There are faces in front of him that are too close too wobbly, and too dizzying to focus on. He closes his eyes in surrender, seeking reprieve in the darkness so he can focus on his other senses first.

His memories fall from his grasp, and he can’t remember just how he ended up in this situation, whatever this is. He takes deep breaths through his nose and exhales through his mouth, relishing the air in his lungs, and realizes his throat is drier than the Sahara desert, too. The voices seem clearer now; Kei opens his eyes with as much annoyance as he can muster with his alarmingly uncooperative body.

Identical gold eyes peer down on him and they’re soft around the edges, exuding warmth with a smile that makes crinkle in her skin. Kei realizes two things: it belongs to her mom, and that her mom is currently crying like her favorite couple in the soap opera just died. It did not lift his mood nor provide an answer to his question. Dumbfounded, he distractedly sees a mop of blond hair that could only belong from his older brother coming from behind her wearing the same confusing expression like his mother.

“Kei, honey? It’s alright, baby. You’re okay.” She coos as she brings her son to her chest. Kei grimaces: he is not a baby and no, he’s not the one crying so why would she be the one comforting him?

“Mom...” Wow, his voice looks like his vocal chords are made of gravel and sand. Somebody holds a cup of water to his mouth and he barely manages to stop himself from drinking it greedily.

The doctor, _he must be one. Why is a doctor here? And where is ‘here’, exactly?_ materializes on his other side and Kei’s eyes swing towards the older man. But before he can voice anything as polite as he can in his confused state, the doctor answers his questions with another set of questions. _Great._

They’re even more confusing questions:

_“What’s your name?”_

Kei tries not to stare incredulously, “Tsukishima Kei.”

_“Do you know where you are?”_

He looks around, seeing there’s nobody in this room who is actually going to answer it for him. “Hospital?”

_“Yes, do you know why you are here, Kei-kun?”_

Kei grimaces at his own name spoken by a stranger. Belatedly, he also scowls realizing he doesn’t have an answer to that.

_“Do you feel uncomfortable anywhere?”_

Better be honest with that one. “My body feels cra- heavy.” Right, he almost swears in front of adults, too. _Akiteru-nii does not count._

_“That’s alright, Kei-kun. Does your head hurt?”_

“A bit,” the blond answers, growing restless at the questions that don’t really make sense to him.

_“What do you remember, Kei-kun?”_ The doctor asks, and Kei is left frowning at the question. What did he do before ending up here? He stares at his hands, bandaged up to the tips of his fingers. He feels his own feet covered beneath the sheets, too. He tries to remember yesterday. He was on a bus, the usual route when he was asked to visit his brother in Tokyo.

He remembers sitting by the window away from people, the clouds outside graying into an impending rain, the loud screeching in his ears, the flash of lights flashing dangerously, the birds scrambling away in surprise, the glass shattering, everything flying around in chaos. He remembers the pain; a lot of it. Then darkness.

_“It’s alright, don’t push yourself too mu-“_

“An accident.” He almost chokes on the heaviness of the words in his tongue. The silence after it almost deafens him and he averts his eyes from his bandaged hands and to the wall opposite him.

Everything is a blur after that.

 

_This sucks_ , Kei thought bitterly for the nth time as if repeating them will help him ease the anger and frustration bubbling in his gut. _This sucks._ He looks around in an effort to divert his attention from _anything_ that reminds how everything sucks right now. He’s sent his mom and brother home earlier promising he was fine and wouldn’t go anywhere, and besides they look like they’re long overdue for a proper sleep anyway.

He is fine. The doctor says he’d be discharged tomorrow, and that they’re only keeping him for observation. He’s a responsible kid; he can take care of himself. He’s fine. But his mind is still reeling from everything, like an aftershock. He can’t believe he just survived that but what about the others? How many were okay? The driver? Are they dead? He can’t help that he would’ve been one of them, too- but what if this was all a dream and he’s still in coma and—

A hand appears in an attempt to grasp his shoulder. He yelps, jerks his head so fast at the person as his heart skips a beat in surprise. The reaction from the person, a boy, is instantaneous: he jumps a meter in the air and shrieks like a tiny animal.

“Who are you?! How the hell did you get here?!”

Said person flails his hands in panic, making hushing gestures. “C-calm down!”

“You’re not answering the question.” Kei reaches for the button just beside his bed.

“I- I’m not here to hurt you or anything!”

“Then what-?!”

“W-well, you’re kind of freaking o-out there and you were breathing really fast- and—“

“You’ve been here the whole time?!”

“I-it’s not that!”

“You creep!-“

“Kei?” Akiteru pops his head by the door, “… You okay? I heard you raising your voice...”

“Yeah, you didn’t tell me there’s some creep in here hiding!” Kei snaps at his older brother. Akiteru flinches, but it’s then replaced by utter confusion and then surprise.

“Really?! Where? Did he hurt you or anything? Where is he Kei?” His brother turns frantic, running to the open window and searches for the person. His string of questions fell to deaf ears when Kei freezes. He blinks; blinks again. When it doesn’t work, he rubs his eyes and stare at the boy trembling pathetically at his side. “I thought I was the one who needed glasses, nii-san. He’s right here.” He punctuates every word. The older Tsukishima glances away from the window and back to his younger brother, bewildered. “Kei, that’s not funny.”

“Not joking.” He growls. As much as he wants to tease his brother for his obvious fear for ghosts- this is not the right time. There is an obvious, six-foot tall boy practically shaking and rooted to his place right beside him.

... _A ghost._ Kei pales.

“Kei, come on.” His brother shakes, trying to keep his cool and failing miserably.

The younger pushes his glasses, internally screaming. “Fooled you.”

_This sucks._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you know me before you died?”
> 
> The boy scrunched his little nose, the line of freckles moving along with it. Yes he has freckles and it’s not that visible but I just happen to notice them. They’re not that easy to miss.
> 
> The boy shook his head again. “Nope! But I wish I did!”
> 
> Now that is off the topic but it takes Kei back a few notches. “Says the guy who just called me rude.”
> 
> “Tsukki is rude but he’s also very kind in his own way. He also looks like he needs more friends.” The guy beams like it’s a fact in the universe.
> 
> “You have a loose screw in the head.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are too sweet. Thank you for the comments and kudos!! 
> 
> Here be hugs!

**Chapter II**

  
“Stop following me around.” Kei hisses between his teeth. The morning is bright and it’s a perfect day for anything unless you’re Tsukishima Kei who survived a particularly messy accident and is now being followed by someone not visible to anyone except him. He was already behind for three months, and today’s one of the days that he needs to work his ass off to catch up with everything. It’s been a month since he was back to school and he is doing fine, except for the obvious of course.

 _What did I do to deserve this?_ He catches himself questioning. Although, he rolls his eyes at himself. He’s already offended most, if not all, of the people he knows and it shouldn’t be surprising that karma just got him this time.

The other boy is quiet and shy. But Kei can still feel the guy following him. After a moment, he huffs. “It’s not that I want to.”

They’ve gone over this for a few times already. It’s like one of the few conversations they actually have since they first met because Kei is still adamant at not engaging with spiritual entities.

Kei ignores him like usually does.

* * *

 

At school, the boy sits at the chair beside him where there’s no one else. He’s at the back of the class, and no one usually pays attention to people like Kei except for some girls who, for some reason, are attracted to the human embodiment of sarcasm and bad personality.

He picks his headphones and starts to close his eyes when a familiar redhead storms his way to Kei like a tornado of overenthusiastic energy. “Tsukishima! It’s lunch break, right? We can-“

“Business is closed until after classes, Shorty.”

“Oi, Tsukish-“

“What? Can’t accept no for an answer, King? Go bother Yachi or someone else, answer’s still no.”

“Don’t call me that!”

The shortest of the bunch pouts, making himself look like an elementary school student even more than his height. “Awww, come on, Bakageyama. I told you Stingy-shima won’t agree. Let’s go to Yachi instead.”

The pair exit the room dejectedly, but as soon as the doors were closed everyone can hear excited running through the corridors so it’s not like Kei dampened their spirits, really. Not that he cares.

“Rude, Tsukki.” Someone (infuriatingly) familiar comments from the side. Kei twitches.

“What did you say?”

The ghost boy stammers, realizing his mistake, but still stubbornly answered, “T-that was rude. They’re y-your friends, right?”

“We’re teammates, and I don’t have an obligation to educate them more than I already do.” Kei levels him a look, thankfully unnoticed by his classmates that the blond is practically talking to thin air. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I just did..?” the boy tilts his head to the side, confusion and fear mixed in his brown hues.

Kei sighs, not answering why the color of his eye suddenly matters to him. “What did you just call me?”

The boy explodes in bright red, “O-Oh! Uhm so-sorry – I- I didn’t mean to-“

“Whatever. Stop talking before you hurt yourself.”

Technically, he’s already dead so a bitten tongue or split lip from stuttering so much wouldn’t really make a difference, really. Not that he cares.  
If anybody points out to him how he stayed an extra thirty minutes and spent extra patience to teach the freak duo after classes, a glare is going to burn their soul.

* * *

  
It’s past the hours that he’s supposed to be asleep, but Kei found himself not really in the mood to go to bed even though there’s class tomorrow and Coach Ukai intends to wring the whole volleyball team of their last drop of strength in practice.

Instead he’s on his laptop, the blue light of the screen the only thing lighting up his room. He sighs, “Alright, it says here that some gho- spirits haunt a place or person for a few reasons. Do you have a grudge on me? “

Kei looks to his ghostly companion and finds the other staring outside the window, a look of something Kei is not sure what to make of but makes his heart swell uncomfortably.

“Hey.” He calls out again.

The brunet finally blinks back to his senses (whatever he has left anyway) and looks apologetically at the blond. “Sorry, Tsukki. I spaced out.”

Pun unintended, Kei tells himself. It’s really bothering him how he’s not that passed to have someone call him a nickname as lame as the moon, but he’s also not going to start answering why he feels that way.

“I asked if you have a grudge on me.” Which, to be fair, is not farfetched. Considering he offends people on a daily basis. 

The boy shakes his head rigorously, it makes Kei wonder if ghosts get dizzy. “Of course not, Tsukki! “

“So, what do you want from me?”

The boy stills, creases on his forehead showing like he’s trying to remember something. “I.. I’m sorry. I don’t know? Is that why I’m… appearing to you?”

Kei pushes the urge to say something other than, “Well, it says here it could be one of the cases.” He pauses, “Did you know me before you died?”

The boy scrunched his little nose, the line of freckles moving along with it. Yes he has freckles and it’s not that visible but I just happen to notice them. They’re not that easy to miss.

The boy shook his head again. “Nope! But I wish I did!”

Now that is off the topic but it takes Kei back a few notches. “Says the guy who just called me rude.”

“Tsukki is rude but he’s also very kind in his own way. He also looks like he needs more friends.” The guy beams like it’s a fact in the universe.

“You have a loose screw in the head.”

“Mean, Tsukki!” the boy yet again admonishes, but this time lightheartedly.

Kei rolls his eyes, “And I don’t need friends.” _Alright, this is enough side-tracking._

“Maybe your spirit needs to take revenge on someone who killed you." He mutters more to himself than to his companion. It’s a morbid thought: the possibility of this guy being murdered and now his spirit can’t pass without receiving appropriate justice. Maybe he was an unfortunate victim.

The thought sends a heavy feeling in his stomach. But first things first, “What’s your name?”

The boy stares at him dumbly for a second or five, and then bursts into laughter. It’s the kind of laugh that’s both childish and ugly with a snort at the end but it’s a refreshing kind especially since it’s the first time the boy is actually laughing.

“I can’t really remember, Tsukki. But I think my name is Yamaguchi.”

“You don’t remember a lot, do you?”

Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck shyly, “Sorry, Tsukki.”

There are a lot of Yamaguchis across Japan. Searching on the Internet for clues will just be futile. He is left with the last option. The next weekend, he’ll go to the nearest temple and offer some prayers. Except, he really doesn’t know much about them. He’ll probably have to consult a local priest. With a smile, he closes his laptop and looks forward to the day this strangeness ends. He has more or less four days to suffer.

He doesn’t check up on Yamaguchi, and doesn’t catch the other staring at him before returning his gaze to the stars. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsukki is salty as always. 
> 
> Don't worry bros, even though this story promises a bittersweet ending, I'm going to try my best and make it fluffy before, you know. 
> 
> Also, who do you think is Yamaguchi here? A ghost? An elemental? An angel? Help Tsukki guess!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s done everything now and the most logical output should make Kei breathe a freeing sigh. When he opens his eyes, the ghost boy whose name is Yamaguchi has already passed on and he makes sure that he offered his prayers as fervent as he could, even letting go of that bitterness and admits that he’s already forgiven him anyway. It’s not a lie. He should be happy by now. But the heavy feeling in his gut hasn’t disappeared.
> 
> When he opens his eyes, none of those logical things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the continued support is just awesome.  
> i love you bros.

When he treats himself to a fastfood chain, he orders some burger and coke. He has no idea how a bunch of fries actually got there. Because he was busy eating the burger and contemplating what to do with the extra order, the fries turned soggy from the wait.

Soggy.

They’ve become disgustingly oily and lumpy.

And yet he is eating them.

The boy across him has a thoughtful expression, vulnerable and easy to notice. “What is it?”

Yamaguchi grins at him, “I just remembered something, Tsukki! I really like soggy fries!” His grin makes his freckles stand out and his face glow like a light bulb, and Kei just can’t.

“Right. How about next time you remember your full name.” The thought of leaving Yamaguchi some fries makes a fool out of himself, so he steadily reminds himself that his company isn’t exactly real.

Unlike other ghosts he’s seen in movies, Yamaguchi is not scary. He has the kind of look that easily gets scared instead. Yamaguchi is about the same age as him, a couple inches shorter than him and his skin is tan and not deathly pale. This makes his freckles, the ones that run from his cheeks and across his nose, stand out. He also has a few of them scattered from the back of his hands and disappear under the plain white t-shirt. Funny, the only thing they got right was the shirt color. His eyes are not those of the dead; at least they’re not blank and lifeless. In fact it almost looks like those brown orbs hold more life than most. He has a stupid cowlick that comically bobs along the movement of Yamaguchi’s head, and it kind of embodies the guy whenever he’s excited or upset. He also doesn’t have a very threatening aura, much less a scary one. He has a disarming smile and a heart-swelling laugh though, so Kei is not about to discard Yamaguchi as truly harmless yet.

The only thing wrong about him is his obvious lack of tangible body. And that reminds him exactly why he shouldn’t care too much about things that aren’t going to last anyway. 

* * *

 

It is a small miracle that nobody can hear Yamaguchi rooting for him in the sidelines. The freckled boy is yelling with Sugawara and throwing compliments at him whenever he makes a particularly good block or play. It’s distracting.

It’s kind of annoying. And he wants to shut him up. It’s alarming how the shy and submissive ghost boy from a week ago transformed into this. Though really, he should be more surprised at himself for actually tolerating this kind of Yamaguchi.

“Nice, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi calls out again.

“Whoa, Tsukishima is on fire today!”

“I don’t know how, but I don’t intend to question it.” Daichi adds his thoughts to the conversation.

“True. It’s going to be tough winning this game but it got Tanaka and Asahi fired up as well so it’s a good thing.” His vice captain agrees.

Nishinoya and Tanaka meanwhile talk loudly about how their middle blocker must have a girlfriend now since he’s so inspired. Hinata and Kageyama are both torn from being jealous or supportive of their teammate. In the end, they both throw themselves into a one-sided competition with him.

The freak duo, he can handle. But Tanaka and Nishinoya’s taunt did not sit well with said blond middle blocker, so he proceeds to block four more of Tanaka’s spikes. Yamaguchi is oblivious, but Kei doesn’t have it in him to stop the other.

* * *

 

It occurs to him how silent it usually is when he walks his way to Karasuno. He can remember the difference between now and then. Usually, he’d use his headphones and leave the silence at that but today he’s forgot them and he feels miserable already. It’s like he’s walking unarmed and naked. He slowly hard enough and tries to justify his bitterness. 

 

Yamaguchi starts to talk. And it’s the kind of blabber that doesn’t really hold any relevance to both of them. It’s the kind of nonsense that normally Kei doesn’t tolerate that’s why he stays away from people and their idle conversations. Yamaguchi asks him if he likes cats or dogs and proceeds to tell him he kind of remembers liking dogs because they’re so loyal and friendly _and your neighbor really has a cute puppy, you know? I don’t know what breed he is but he is really cute. I’d like to think he really sees me, like whenever we’d pass by their gate he’d look towards me. Do you think dogs see spirits, Tsukki?_

“Some say they do.” Kei answers flatly.

“Ah, that’s cool isn’t it? It means you’re not the only one who sees me!! You’re not alone!”

“That’s barely comforting.”

“Hmmm… Yeah, I guess. But never mind that. Do you like dogs, Tsukki?”

“I don’t dislike them.”

“Nice! But what about people who like dinosaurs, Tsukki? I think you’re more like a dinosaur person. What do people call them?”

 _Childish._ Kei thinks to himself.

“Tsukki is not childish!” Yamaguchi suddenly blurts out. Kei takes a double step back. “What? How-“

The other boy just tilts his head in confusion, “You mean you don’t know I can read your mind?”

Kei would very much like to punch someone, and that someone could be himself since he can’t hit Yamaguchi’s stupidly confused face. “What.”

Yamaguchi glows red and bright, rivaling the sun itself. Kei doesn’t even look back as he speed-walks his way to the remaining block. Behind him Yamaguchi is stuttering incoherent apologetic noises but Kei won’t hear any of it.

Before stepping to the gate, he turns and glares at the ghost boy. “Stay out of my head.” He growls.

It’s been like, four months and this oblivious guy doesn’t even tell him he’s been snooping around his mind for that long?

The nerve of him.

Kei see these in silent anger and ignores any trace of his ghostly companion for the rest of the day. It’s like they’re back on Day One, when none of them speak and the distance between them is apparent. Kei blames himself for even letting that distance close.

His mind is the only place where he can safely hide himself when the rest of the world is too much for him to handle; it’s where he’s most vulnerable and open without other people knowing. Guess he was wrong. Guess the second taste of betrayal never really gets less bitter. Guess some ghosts can read mind; at least Yamaguchi does.

And he never told him.

* * *

 

 They don’t talk that day. Or the next. And when Saturday rolls around, Kei has a determined look on his face as he trudged to their local temple.

Groaning as his muscles protest at the exertion from climbing the stairs when they’re already spent with yesterday’s training, Kei feels Yamaguchi stop a couple of steps below him. “I’m sorry, Tsukki.”

Kei knows that he can’t stand the face the other must be making behind him. He’s going to get himself in trouble if he makes contact with those hazel eyes that express too match emotions than Kei can handle. He sighs, “Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.”

His muscles protest some more, but he tries to ignore them along with the uncomfortable sinking feeling in his gut.

 

* * *

 

He’s done everything now and the most logical output should make Kei breathe a freeing sigh. When he opens his eyes, the ghost boy whose name is Yamaguchi has already passed on and he makes sure that he offered his prayers as fervent as he could, even letting go of that bitterness and admits that he’s already forgiven him anyway. It’s not a lie. He should be happy by now. But the heavy feeling in his gut hasn’t disappeared.

When he opens his eyes, none of those logical things happen. Yamaguchi looks at him with the same wide eyes of confusion and nervousness.

Yamaguchi doesn’t disappear. Which means Yamaguchi is not in need of anybody’s prayers and he gets to stay with Kei for yet another day. But somehow something in his gut settles at the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tsukki just needs to chill,tbh. not that i can blame him.
> 
> hi! hello! comments and kudos are always welcome!! Thank you!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time, Yamaguchi’s head swivel towards Kei he’s almost certain it should hurt. There are actual tears in his hazel orbs and suddenly Kei is thrown off his balance. 
> 
> 'Oh God I made him cry. Did I offend him that much? Nice play, Kei. You’re officially the biggest jerk on earth. New skill unlocked: Make a spiritual entity cry.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm aliive

**Chapter IV**

“Maybe it’s because you’re a demon of sorts.” Kei hypothesizes the night after that. He’s staying past bedtime again and Yamaguchi has resorted to his spot by the window to look at the dark sky once again. Things have gotten a little awkward, but they’re past the mind-reading issue. Yamaguchi kept apologizing that day but Kei refused to hear any of them anymore and brought them burgers and Yamaguchi’s soggy fries. The other guy’s still pretty much invisible to the world, couldn’t even touch a doorknob, much more a lumpy potato strip so Kei elects to eat for both of them. It’s strange. But Yamaguchi is tentatively smiling again, and he looked relieved so Kei doesn’t mind.

This time, Yamaguchi’s head swivel towards Kei he’s almost certain it should hurt. There are actual tears in his hazel orbs and suddenly Kei is thrown off his balance. _Oh God I made him cry. Did I offend him that much? Nice play, Kei. You’re officially the biggest jerk on earth. New skill unlocked: Make a spiritual entity cry._

“Wait, it’s just-“

Yamaguchi stands. Goes for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“We’ve got to go.” Yamaguchi urges with a steely determination on his face. Kei is once again at loss for words.

“It’s eleven in the evening, Yamaguchi. Where the hell do you want to go?” Kei evens his tone, hiding the utter confusion he has.

Yamaguchi visibly tenses, the creases in his forehead appearing as his stupid cowling deflates comically.  “Well, there’s gotta be a way right? What if you’re right, Tsukki?” He looks at the blond with wild and panicking eyes.

“What if you’re right and I’m going to hurt you and eat you or steal your soul? Or hurt your family? You should’ve told the priest to conduct an exorcism to make sure! Oh no, we screwed up. What if I’m going to hurt you? I- I can’t- no I- I should stay away-“Yamaguchi trails off and actually crumbles to a heap of blubbering mess on the floor. It’s a few moments before Kei can even register a reaction.

He laughs his head off. Ungodly hours be damned. He tries to muffle his mouth with the pillows and the sheets, absently thanking they had thick walls in their rooms. Kei laughs like he’s never done before. His companion steadily turns from surprise, to confusion, to indignation.

“Tsukki, it’s not funny!”

The owner of the name just rolls around his bed, clutching his stomach. “Sorry it kind of is- pfft-aha-!”

The sobs have stopped now, and Kei before long Kei manages to gather his wits without completely losing it again. He wipes the tears from behind his glasses. “I don’t really think demons even say what you just said.”

“But it could be a possibility! I didn’t pass on after the ritual and what else would I be? I’m sure I don’t hold any grudges against anyone and it’s not like I want to do anything because what’s the point if I can’t remember what it is?” Yamaguchi rambles on.

“Even if you are a demon, you’d be the lamest at it.”

“Uhm..?”

Kei ammends quickly, “It’s a compliment.”

“Thank you..?”

The blond rolls his eyes. “You cried when Hachiko died.”

“Everyone cried! You did!” Yamaguchi stiffens in embarrassment.

“Demons don’t. They’re evil, Yamaguchi. They don’t cry.”

“That’s... You can’t know that!” The brunette retorts. Kei puts a hand in the air between them, his body shaking into another fit of laughter.

“Why do you even insist to be a demon so much?”

“I...” Yamaguchi mumbles the next of his reply. Kei had to call him out of it.

“I... Well, I.. We tried everything and it didn’t work. And you want this to be over, right? I really don’t want to bother you more than I already have. It just... I don’t even know what I am and it sucks because I feel like I should know. I should know what I am and what I am doing here, why you are stuck with me. I’m sorry, Tsukki.”

Kei is left speechless.

Yamaguchi, for all his innocence and obliviousness, is actually worried that he might hurt Kei and he thinks Kei is just so done with him. _Well,_ Kei reflects, _I do want him to go._ But to does that mean he hates the others existence that much? Enough to show?

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

Maybe if he was asked months ago, his answer would’ve been a solid, steady and unyielding yes. Now? As his stomach spasms from laughing so much like he never did in years, Kei looking at his companion on the floor with unbidden tears and with a genuine look on his face- now, he knows the answer. The reminder of what he felt during that day should be enough of an evidence. And it should terrify him but somehow, the strangeness of this whole situation is beginning to grow on him that he found himself glad Yamaguchi did not disappear that day.

“I don’t...” he pauses, and Yamaguchi is left to wait for the next words. “….mind.”

“Huh? Tsukki, what do you mean?”

“It means I don’t dislike it so much like you think I do... You’re not that bad a company.”

See, the thing is, Kei knows what he said is a far cry from being a decent compliment (but much better the first) and yet Yamaguchi takes only a few stunned moments before his face lights up in _that_ smile. Kei has to stop staring or he’ll get drawn even deeper into those hazel orbs, or that he’ll get lost in the patterns of his freckles. He doesn’t know which is worse. He doesn’t know if it’s _that so bad_ to be those things.

* * *

"You cried watching The Good Dinosaur, Tsukki."

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

"Sorry, Tsukki!"

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Motivation? What more do you need than pride?!”
> 
> Kei has a feeling that if Yamaguchi could, he would’ve grabbed him by the shirt just to get his point across. The timid, gullible Yamaguchi stands in front of him with a scorching flame in his hazel orbs, mouth set in an angry snarl that makes him look like he’s baring his fangs, and whole expression emanating stubbornness. It’s just so like him, Kei belatedly thinks, to give every thing he has in every emotion he feels even if it’s happiness or anger.
> 
> Well, at least it’s not pity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY PRECIOUS STARCHILD!!!
> 
>  
> 
> double update!!

**Chapter V**

The question of the night was, “Why do you stare at the sky so much?” and it’s Kei who unsurprisingly asks.

“Hm? I don’t know…?”

Right. Amnesiac invisible entity.

“Maybe I like staring at the moon.” Yamaguchi mumbles, but Kei must have heard wrong. The pillow muffins his ears could’ve been the reason. He leaves it at that and pushes the cover up to his neck.  Tomorrow marks the start of the training camp, and he has enough self-preservation to sleep in early that night.

* * *

_He wakes up with a startle. Kei blinks and sits. He’s on a soft bed and there are noises. The door to his room is ajar. His heart is beating so fast and he’s not sure why. His hands shake and he doesn’t know what’s he’s so scared about. He approaches the door, a trivial déjà vu creeping up his spine. This place is unknown to him and now he realizes it’s a dream. His feet move on its own though, and he has a terrifying thought of not being in control._

_Calm down. It’s just a dream._

_The noises grow louder and louder. There are two people shouting at the top of their lungs and now he knows why he’s terrified. He hides and tries to listen. The screams pierce his ears. They yell, and then things are thrown around and clashed at the walls._

_“Stupid bitch!”_

_A clicking sound stands out from the chaos. Kei is not an idiot: he knows it’s the sound of a gun._

_It’s like his whole body is smothered by the cold. His mouth screams but his voice has either left him or drowned by the sound of bullet hitting flesh. His heart stops and everything stops._

_“It’s a dream. Wake up, wake up, wakeupwakeup!!!-“_

* * *

__

Kei wakes up with a startle. He blinks, and blinks, and blinks, and his mind is blank. The world is fuzzy and it doesn’t make him any less terrified. He grasps the sheets around him and tries to find his glasses. Wherever he was, he can’t – he can’t go back in there. It’s just a dream— _where the hell are my glasses-_

He’s back in his room. He doesn’t realize he’s holding his own breath until he exhaled loud enough like it comes from the deepest of his body. His heart is hammering in his chest. His eyesight is blurry and he realizes it’s because he’s been crying. He’s trembling in fear, shock, grief, and pain _but just a dream. It’s just a terrible nightmare that feels so real._

He stumbles to his door and finds darkness when he looks in the hallway. Paranoia demands him to go down the stairs and switch all the lights just to make sure.

_There’s nothing. No sign of broken plates and vases. No signs of chaos. No signs of his parents arguing—they don’t even fight that way!! -  No gun, no blood._

_Nothing._

Kei runs a hand through his sweaty hair. He just sat there for minutes until he can finally ease himself out of the nightmare he just had. He’s surprised of how everything felt so real even though he knew he was dreaming.  

As if someone is reading his thoughts, a familiar voice tells him, “It’s just a dream, Kei.”

“I said fuck off my mind, Yamaguchi.” Kei growls, frustration erupting to high levels.

“No! I swear I didn’t! It’s just, you woke up crying and breathing really fast, and just started running down the stairs with a panicked look. You didn’t even notice me, and I can tell you’re really shaken up so…” Yamaguchi rants beside him.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

He takes a breath and then releases it. His heart starts to calm down now, and he feels the cold being chased away by a lingering feeling of warmth. He’s still sweating buckets, but he finds that he doesn’t mind this heat.

 

* * *

The training camp is exhausting and wears on Kei’s already thin patience. He’s surrounded by volleyball idiots and overenthusiastic players that it makes him puke of that was possible for his already fatigued muscles.

Again, Kei is not an idiot. He so wants people to remember that but he also knows that reminding them so is just a waste of time. He is not naïve to the looks they send his way, either in concern or annoyance. The worst part is having to ignore their look of pity towards him which is just way beyond his tolerance.

_It’s just a club._

He doesn’t get why everyone is so pumped up. It’s pathetic. It’s a waste of effort. Kei would very much prefer just giving enough effort for a passable performance. Why waste your energy for something you know you can’t achieve? He doesn’t understand why they give so much when at the end of the line, they barely make a difference- not with freaks like Hinata and Kageyama, and all other born geniuses in the sport.

_It’s just a club._

He doesn’t get why Yamaguchi is angry at him. For the first time since their meeting, he’s never been angry at Kei. It surprises him a bit. The boy had come running and calling his name, and he’s just barely thankful that none of the others walk at this part of the school or they would’ve seen Karasuno’s blond Middle blocker arguing with the wind.

“Motivation? What more do you need than pride?!”

Kei has a feeling that if Yamaguchi could, he would’ve grabbed him by the shirt just to get his point across. The timid, gullible Yamaguchi stands in front of him with a scorching flame in his hazel orbs, mouth set in an angry snarl that makes him look like he’s baring his fangs, and whole expression emanating stubbornness. It’s just so like him, Kei belatedly thinks, to give every thing he has in every emotion he feels even if it’s happiness or anger.

Well, at least it’s not pity.

“I never thought I’d see the day...” He muses out loud, _it’s like watching him grow even though I’ve only known him for a very short time,_ “... Since when did you become such a cool guy?”

Yamaguchi seems to snap back to his senses though, and like a switch he reverts back to his stuttering and timid persona. Kei stares dumbly at his companion. Yamaguchi shrinks from his gaze, words tumbling in an effort to apologize.

“You’re really cool.” _Now, that was a compliment. Not bad Kei, you’re not that rotten after all, Kei tells himself._

But it’s not enough. He knows Yamaguchi had unconsciously started a start in him, but he just feels that he needs more. Pride is not something he quite understands yet, at least not in his own terms. He just needs to find his own terms. He has questions, and for the sake of himself and the effort of his friend (?) he will find answers even if it means asking the two loudest and annoying seniors from Nekoma and Fukurodani. 

* * *

That night, he dreams of a hot sunny day and hears cicadas in the background.

_It must be summer. He can feel sweat running down his face and heat enveloping his skin. It unnervingly feels so real, but at least his heart is not pounding out of his ribcage. The afternoon breeze helps him calm down even more._

_He stares at the grass field in front of him. The colors are vivid to him: the gold streaks, the green hues, the yellow highlights, and the disappearing ball of orange to his left. Childish glee bubbles within him and Kei can’t help but smile. On his hands is a volleyball, an old and worn one, but he feels the leather in his palm and feels oddly comforted by it. He feels warm and he knows it’s not because of the summer wind. It spreads from his chest to the tips of his toes; he feels content._

_He lays himself on the grass, throwing and catching the ball in his hands until darkness rolls and takes him back to reality._

* * *

__

“Did you play volleyball?” He asks, for the first time feeling a bit of small and awkward towards his brunet companion.

Yamaguchi looks like he loves to be nowhere else than in his spot, where rays of sunset spill on his freckled, tan skin. He’s smiling softly to himself, eyes closed and chin raised a bit to feel the breeze card through his brunet locks. He’s sitting with both his hands propping him from the back as he leans back and as he answers Kei’s question, he tilts his head still with closed eyes like a habit when he tries to remember something.

There’s a moment of silence between them. Kei lets it be. In fact, he takes every moment to stare at his friend like he’s seen him in a new light.

“I did... I was the most ordinary kid out there, but it was the greatest thing that’s happened to me, Tsukki.” He’s lost in thought, Kei knows, his smile looks like he’s seeing a happy memory in his head.

“Ah.” Kei responds, dumbly. _That’s why._ He remembers his dream the other night and can’t help but see the similarities of this moment to that. It’s weird. But his fluttering heart is not really complaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're half-way done, guys.
> 
> thanks for your overwhelming support and for sticking up to this story up to this moment. you guyes are awesome :D
> 
> p.s. any ideas yet as to what Yamaguchi is and what he is doing haunting our salty moonchild?

**Author's Note:**

> so, yeah.. that happened. what do you think? worth the continuation?
> 
> kudos and comments are welcomed with open arms! (and bearhugs if you fancy those) :D


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